♥

"...we're standing here talking, adding brick after brick to our friendship castle so it someday reaches the sky!"
-Kenneth, 30 Rock

Fun story! So here I am, stressed out about the upcoming week which involves midterms, quizzes, two presentations, scads of homework, and time-consuming and frustrating rehearsals for the accursed Scottish play. A dress/tech rehearsal is going to coincide with one of my midterms, and my director is unyielding about me being late to one, even though I'm not in Act One and my costumes are in good shape. (Apparently volunteering in the costume shop gets you priority.) Add sleep deprivation plus my period to the mix and it all seems a bit overwhelming.

So at rehearsal one night I admitted to my No. 1 Murderer I was frazzled and vented to the Sergeant. The latter replied that I looked like I was about to cry. Perhaps it was the power of suggestion, but not long after this my eyes started watering with tiredness. I sat in a corner of the green room rubbing them and Daddy Macduff said he was shocked to see me tired instead of bouncing around with all kinds of energy, as per my usual m.o. At the end of the night two of the lords walked me to my car in the dark and empty parking lot because they don't like females walking out there alone. All the consideration was very touching.

After making it through rehearsal without snapping I took a moment to sit in my car feeling crushed by the weight of responsibility, torn between letting my director or myself down, tired, and slightly sick. I needed to take a time-out to freak out and cry or something but I didn't have any energy or tears in me, and the clock was urging me to go home and study before it was too late. It all felt like too much to handle. So I took another moment to quietly compose myself. Prince Malcolm (aka the new King of Scotland) saw me sitting there and pulled his car up next to mine to ask if I was okay. I smiled and nodded and when he left I felt guilty for lying. But the great thing about guilt is that it's designed to bring us closer to God. Knowing this I went, "Dear God..." and thanked him for putting kind people in my life. Theatre folk can be a vulgar, ungodly crowd, but they can also be wonderfully friendly. This cast has so many nice people, some of which have said we're like a family. It makes sense to me because we work together as an ensemble, and bonding helps us do a better job of that. I'm particularly grateful to this cast for being so sympathetic and supportive when a family friend died and I wasn't really in the mood to run through a death scene over and over and over.

So after I gave all my troubles to God, confessed my shortcomings, apologized and asked for help, I lifted my head up from the steering wheel and glanced at the rear-view mirror. Standing in stark contrast to the dirt and darkness of my back window and the dimly lit parking lot, light shone through a heart someone had drawn on the back of my car. I stared at this in delight, laughed, and said, "Did I mention I'm thankful for kind people in my life? Amen!" Even if it was someone's way of saying "Wash your car, fool" or some boyfriend mistaking my car for his girlfriend's or something, the perfect timing of my prayer made it a beautiful moment when I looked up and saw visual reminder of God's love. I didn't need it, I didn't ask for it, I wasn't expecting it. But I love that things worked out that way. And that it's still on my car after two days of pouring rain!